


Dandelion In The Spring

by EverllarkingJoshifer



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 08:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10532649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverllarkingJoshifer/pseuds/EverllarkingJoshifer
Summary: Prompt: Canon-Divergent where Katniss realizes she loves Peeta the night before the Quarter Quell, she tells him and they have sex. In D13, she finds she got pregnant, and while she’s sad that Peeta isn’t with her, she’s happy to be carrying Peetas child. Because should he not return to her, she has a piece of him with her to love. It also gives her the strength to try to rescue Peeta. And to help him constructively recover from the hijacking :). [submitted by Anonymous]





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello My dear lovelies. It is I back again with a one shot due to this amazing prompt hosted by @everlarkficexchange I’m sorry it’s a bit late. I would love to just say that this was super difficult for me, seeing as this is my first smut ever written. Please be kind. I would like to thank @titaniasfics for her amazing beta work and The biggest most ardent thanks to my baby doll @mega-aulover for helping me through everything and keeping my spirits up. Finally, I would like to thank my handsome hubs for the inspiration and patience. I made my own little banner. It isn’t much but I tried. I hope you all like this story. Please don’t forget to read and write a review, any kind of feedback would do. It would be much appreciated.

I can hear the muffled cheers of the Capitolites outside the window. They delight in their favorite Tributes and respective districts. Some might even be taking bets. Betting for which one of us would come out alive. Which of us is worth their sponsorship. Which one they would deem prettier or have a more tragic background so that they will give us a dim hope for survival, not realizing that no one comes out alive. Not if you count nightly terrors, and daily reminders of those we are forced to kill to ensure our empty continuity of life. Going about something resembling living but floating through it all with no feelings other than remorse and guilt because no matter how many times the Victor tries to convince themselves that everything was out of their control, you are left feeling as though it was somehow wrong to survive. You feel disgusted by whatever choices you made, no matter how inconsequential they may have been. You never forget the faces of the people who died by your hand. Unspeakable things that no one should be subjected to, but the Capitolites are so far removed to understand them.. So invested in hollow things such as drama, fashion and whether Peeta and I will last or keep on this charade of the star-crossed lovers. They don’t notice the despair that’s left behind. The bodies of children who never a chance to leave a mark on this world.

I walk over to the window and watch as the Capitol children run around gleefully in their bizarre dresses and coats carrying sparklers, pretending to jab one another, imitating their favorite Tribute. The fireworks lighting up the sky and hearing the ‘oohs and the aaahs’ from the crowd. I turn back disgusted and sit on the sofa as I wait for Peeta to join me.

Peeta, who once again tried to spare me when he convinced the crowd outside that I was pregnant. Me, who has done nothing more than to push him away. He has sacrificed himself more times than I can count. But, there he was on that stage, still trying to protect me.

I didn’t intend for my little rebellion to generate such an uproar. For Snow to put a target on both our backs, for Peeta to be in danger. He doesn’t deserve it, he is far too kind and forgiving.

I sigh and run my hands through the tips of my tousled hair . There was no power on this earth to make me want to wear the abhorrent wedding dress for more than it was necessary. I smile and for once I felt a surge of pride remembering the way people’s faces changed when the wedding dress burned before their eyes and was replaced by the dark and exquisite dress that Cinna made. I would have loved to have seen Snow’s face, but for now I’ll content myself with my imagination.

Peeta, on the other hand, was perfect. Pristine and handsome, and, dare I say it, even delicate in some way. His white tux made him look like a beautiful angel, too flawless to be touched, with his golden hair and crystalline blue eyes. Eyes so full of compassion and kindness. The kindness he had shown me when he fed me the burned bread despite the black eye he carried the next day. That was who Peeta was and perhaps Haymitch is right. I can live a thousand years but never truly deserve him. For I am the dark rebel. The one filled with fire and anger but I know I need the dandelion in the spring to gently quench of my own sorrows, my remorse, and fill my resentful heart. He is what I need and there would be no one to equal to him.

I hear the door click and I look back to see a casual Peeta walking my way, a sheepish smile on his face. He shrugs and rubs the back of his neck as he nears the couch and walks to sit at the far end of it, hands clasped between his strong thighs. I look at him and contemplate his newly washed hair. Droplets of water cling to each golden stand.

“What?” he asks.

I smile. “So we got married, huh?”

He nods, “Yep.”

“And I’m pregnant?” I ask slightly teasing him but wanting to hear his reasons for lying even though I know what they are.

Peeta clears his throat to cover his discomfort. “You look great!”

I raise my eyebrows.” Peeta.”

He flattens his back against the sofa. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you think they’ll stop the games?” I ask, worry still tightly wound in my heart.

He sighs, “No, I don’t think so but it was worth a shot.”

Time elapses before I dare to speak again, the silence enveloping us comforting me

“So, about our marriage…” I begin to lay the groundwork for what I know will probably be the most uncomfortable moment of my life.“Yeah,” he asks slowly, suspicion pricking his eyes.

I gulp and take in a lungfull of air, “I do want to marry you.”

He rolls his eyes, “Katniss, we’re gonna have to at some point if we get out of this alive.”

I frown and move closer, hesitating on whether I should even try to hold his hands. I rub my sweaty palms against my sweatpants, “Uh no Peeta. I don’t want to get married to you because it’s something we must do to stay alive and convince people that we’re in love. I don’t have to convince anyone of anything….”

He stares at me, clearly baffled as to what I mean. I soldier on before I lose what little reserve of bravery I have, “I -I don’t want to marry you because…”

“So, you don’t want to marry me??” he asks slightly annoyed.

“No! I mean yes. I mean I don’t know…” I falter as I feel my bravery waning and my insecurities creeping up like a dark hooded figure. 

“What? What are you trying to say? I don’t understand what’s going on!” he fumed, getting up from the couch and pacing before me.

I’m panicking because I’m ruining everything again and I can only sit in silence instead of fixing it.

“Katniss, are you listening to me?” asks Peeta his eyes full of worry. Worried for me and all I can do is shake my head and stare at him. I’m losing him again and this time I won’t let it happen.

I get up off the couch, taking a step towards him before he leaves, “I don’t want to marry you because we have to. I want to do it because I really want to!” 

Peeta stops and turns back to look at me, confusion and even slight hope mirrored in his eyes. He slowly walks back to me and asks, “Why do you want to marry me?”

“Because I love you.” I muster to say in one big gulp. My heart races, my palms are sweaty. I have just revealed the very depths of my soul. I love Peeta Mellark and it was out there, and almost regret it. As Haymitch pointed out I didn’t deserve him.   
.   
“You love me?” he repeats.

I nod as I feel my eyes prickling with tears but I try to hold them off lest he thinks I’m too weak to deserve him. It makes no sense to think he ever would consider me weak for crying but my stubborn head can’t find its way around weakness and emotional breakage. Who knows, maybe I’m already broken but then again, ‘who wouldn’t be under the current circumstances?’ At least that’s what I believe Peeta would say. Kind, understanding, benevolent Peeta. A man who loved a broken girl before she even knew she could herself. 

Desperately, I caress his face softly, gazing at him. Remembering every nook and cranny of his face, every wrinkle, every nuance, every lovely feature, “I love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it sooner. I was too wrapped up on surviving the stupid games. Too wrapped up in my own misery that I forgot you were there with me too. Helping me, hurting with me, loving me. I don’t know what else I can say other than I love you and I probably always did, I just didn’t realize it until now. You saved me and now all I want to do is love you back as much as you do or did. I hope I’m not too late.” I smile and slowly let my hand drop but before my fingertips can lose what little contact it has, I feel his grip pulling me back and embracing me.

He pulls away and stares at me as though he were mesmerized and full of wonder. Then he smiles, “I do love you. I’ve always loved you. I always will.” He kisses me sweetly on the mouth.

I feel my soul glowing with happiness. A warmth unlike any I could describe fills me and all I can do is close my eyes and kiss him. Of course, I know I catch him off guard because he freezes for a moment before fervently rewarding me with his own lips. I feel his fingers gently running down my neck before settling under my chin while the other hand rests on my hip. His soft lips part and I feel his tongue begging for entrance. I willingly open and sigh contently as he explores me with an intimacy I hadn’t yet been privy to. I wrap my arms around his neck wishing the kiss would last forever because the fireworks that are running through my body couldn’t possibly be imagined. It’s so unlike kissing Gale, who’d inspired nothing when his lips touched mine. It was as though I were kissing an old friend goodbye. I’m moaning out little sounds of pleasure until we are interrupted by someone clearing their throat. 

We spring apart as though someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on us. Haymitch leans against the doorframe with his eyebrow raised and a knowing smile while Effie stands next to him, frozen in place eyes wide and her jaw hanging open.

Haymitch pushes himself off the doorframe, “What’s this? Practicing in case there’s another set of people you have to convince?”

Effie closes her jaw and glares Haymitch, “Haymitch, that is most inappropriate. You know you can’t ask them why they do something. You’re overstepping your bounds.” She purses her lips unbecomingly and walks toward us, flashing a sweet smile.

For a moment, I’m left feeling a little suspicious considering how it’s usually Effie that ruins moments but I calm down once I see her reaching for both our hands and squeezing them affectionately, “I’m so glad you’ve finally come to your senses and seen what a great catch Peeta really is. He’s good for you, you know?”

Ah, there goes the Effie we all know and love. I look over at Peeta who is closely resembling a tomato and know that Effie would praise him above anyone else. She’s always preferred him to me and that suits me just fine.

Effie giggles and walks away on her precariously high stilettos. Haymitch is still looking at us suspiciously but something makes him saunter forward, “So, this is real then?” he asks pointing to both of us with his hands and linking his fingers together.

We nod and smile shyly. God, I wish the questions would stop. I’m becoming more mortified at being found in the way we did but I can’t blame them either. Of course, they’d want to know what was really going on. They are the people who fully witnessed everything between us.

Haymitch stares at us calculatingly and finally smiles as he slaps Peeta gently on the shoulder and walks away with “Well, can’t say I’m surprised. Not really, I knew this would happen sooner or later.”

Peeta and I look at each other one more time and come to a wordless agreement that we are now formally boyfriend and girlfriend. No words are needed to understand that we are no longer a benefit for the cameras or faking it in any way. We are together and the kiss I had experience solidified it. We lace our fingers together as we sheepishly walk over to join Effie and Haymitch for dinner.

“Baby bomb was a stroke of genius. Unfortunately, the games are still on.” Haymitch says in between bites of food.

Peeta and I glance at each other. We already knew they wouldn’t be cancelled but I can’t help but worry about our next step. I look back at Haymitch, “So now what?”

“Well, it’s a good thing you guys are really dating now, because we need to convince the public that you are in fact in love,” Haymitch replies and takes a gulp of his brandy.

“We are in love,” Peeta assures.

Haymitch looks at us both again before elaborating, “Well yes, you know that and we know that,” he says pointing to Effie and himself. “But Snow and the rebelling districts still think it’s all just for show.”

“So, what do you suggest we do?” I ask. I’m about to strangle him but Peeta squeezes my hand reassuringly and that’s enough to calm me down.

“There’s nothing we can do at the moment. The rebellion has already started and there’s nothing that can stop a man from wanting freedom once he’s been given the hope. You’ve already gotten engaged in front of the entire world and it still wasn’t enough to convince Snow.” Haymitch explains.

This time, it’s Peeta’s turn to lose composure, “So what you’re saying is that we have no hope of coming out alive? Are we to think that there’s no hope for either of us or even Panem?”

Effie chimes in desperately, “No Peeta darling it’s not what you think,” she shoots daggers with her eyes at Haymitch’s direction, “What Haymitch is trying to say, is that though there’s nothing we can much do about the rebellion other than to see where it lands us. You certainly have a hope for survival. You see, you said that both you and Katniss got married and not only that but that she’s expecting. It may not do much for the other districts but the people in the Capitol certainly believed you and that’s more than enough. They are, after all, the ones who sponsor you,” she turns to look at me and smiles, “You don’t think us so cold as to believe we’d let a would-be mother die and lose her one true love, are you?”

“But only one of us is supposed to come out. How do you expect both of us to survive the Arena when we have no idea what the Gamemakers have in store for us?” I ask, my voice catching on a quiver of fear. I know that the possibilities of both Peeta and I surviving are inconceivable. They already made that mistake last year. They wouldn’t make it again and all I know is that Peeta must survive. He has to be the one to live and go on to have the life a true Victor deserves. If anyone should have a family and children, It’s Peeta and I’m prepared to die for it.

“Well, you’ve done it before, right? Who’s to say it won’t happen again?” answers Effie taking a delicate nibble of her dinner roll.

Once again it solidifies that Effie is one of the Capitolites. She is so far removed from the real issue that she doesn’t realize that it wasn’t Snow’s compassionate heart that allowed us to live. It was all a mistake. A mistake that I had inadvertently caused when I refused to live just for their enjoyment. It was an unknowing act of rebellion that caused the uprising of the destitute Districts. I gave them too much hope and like Snow said to me when he showed me proof of his monitoring of my life, ‘too much hope is dangerous.

“By the way, this would be our last few days with you both,” Haymitch says, filling the void of silence and choosing to ignore Effie’s words because he knows all the explaining in the world would be for naught.

“You’re leaving?” Peeta asks.

Effie nods. “In two days, I’m afraid. We’re no longer allowed to stay.”

“What about our training?” I wonder aloud.

“There’s no more training to be had with us. We’ve gotten far enough with the interviews and you’ll just have to make sure you’re picking the right tributes for alliances.” Haymitch answers.

I can feel myself filling with nervous energy until Peeta puts his hand on top of mine and begins to caress it.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next two days pass by in a flash and suddenly I’m standing in front of both Effie and Haymitch who have their bags packed behind them. The Avoxes walk over to them and carry them off silently.

“Well I guess this is goodbye,” Haymitch says wrapping up Peeta in a one-armed hug and slaps his back affectionately.

“Presents for the boys.” Effie interrupts handing both men a black, shiny box.

“What’s this?” asks Haymitch.

Effie tuts. “Your token, remember? Hair for me, pin for Katniss,” she points to her hair, “Gold bangle for you, and for Peeta, the medallion that we talked about.”

“Thank you, Effie,” says Peeta with a somewhat forced grin. I know he’s trying to be positive for her sake despite the inferno we’ve to face.

Effie’s lips begin to quiver and her voice becomes shaky when she says, “We’re a team? Aren’t we?” Both Peeta and I nod and Effie’s eyes begin to glisten with unshed tears. “ And I’m so proud of my Victors, so proud,” she musters in between hugs and stands back as she stumbles on her words, slowly losing what little composure she had mustered and begins to cry openly, “You both deserved so much better.”

I’m rendered temporarily speechless at the show of pure love before us from a woman I thought to be so vapid as to be incapable of such feelings. “Thank you, Effie.”

“I am truly sorry,” she says while holding my hands and sobs before she walking and crying her pain away.

I stare after her and Peeta Hugs him once more, “Thank you Haymitch, for everything.” he says patting Haymitch back with the medallion still clutched in his hand.

“Any last advice?” I ask.

Haymitch nods. “Stay alive.”

“Haymitch, wait,” I call before he can walk away any further. I step forward to hug him and whisper, “Remember our deal, do whatever it takes to keep him alive. Promise me.”

Haymitch nods once I’ve backed away. “Okay,” he promises and before I could step towards Peeta he says, “Katniss, when you’re in the arena, remember who the real enemy is.”

I nod, not really understanding what he means but decided not to think more of it as I join Peeta once again.

We continue our routine of training and trying to prepare ourselves for the unforeseeable as I teach Peeta some wilderness survival techniques and he teaches me some self-defense moves. But at night after all our fleeting glances and appreciative gestures, we are exhausted and go to our respective rooms because Peeta would never try to impose his presence on me. I lie on my bed and toss and turn. It’s much too big and makes me feel so lonely. Having Peeta across the way was tempting. I was tired of sleeping alone, of not having his warm embrace. I came to the realization, I might never see him again. So, I get up and tip toe my way to his room as I’ve done many times before and stop at his open door hoping to gain access.

Peeta responds by opening his covers and I dash forward to snuggle underneath them. I snuggle myself as closely to Peeta as I can and smile contently.

“I love you,” mutters Peeta sleepily. 

I sigh wanting more. But how do I get more. I wondered? I wet my lips and I say, “I love you too.”

He leans back and gazes at me with wonderment and all I can do is ask, “What?” If he knew my thoughts he wouldn’t think me pure. I want to slip my hands on his chest open his sleeping shirt and place dozens of little kisses there. I force myself from blushing. My legs rub together. This was more than lust, this was hunger I felt. The same type of love affair I felt with food.Peeta was as rare delicacy, to be savored. 

“It’s just, I never thought you would. That this could be true. That you could love me and for once it wouldn’t be a dream,” he clarifies, running his hand on my cheek lovingly. 

I smile and move up to place a kiss on his lips. I meant for it to be a small, sweet kiss but I was unprepared for Peeta’s passion as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and softly runs his other hand through my hair. Internally I want to scream and jump for joy as my starved body rejoices. My heart races, my soul is enthralled, this is my home my mind repeats over and over again. I respond in kind, shyly and inexpertly, but once our tongues run across each other, all of my resolve is focused on loving this boy. My heart is as open as a window on a hot summer day. I kiss him with more intensity and clutch his shirt in my fists, my heart galloping at an alarming rate. I ignore the practical katniss and give in to the passionate one that has always brimmed under the surface. My curious nature takes over and I grow frustrated with the shirt and begin to run my hands underneath.’Finally’ I say to myself as my hands make contact with his warm skin. I caress his strong torso and he shivers. He looks at me pleadingly. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” 

I raise my eyebrow teasingly, “I want to.” I lean down and carry out my earlier desire. I plant hundreds of little kisses on his chest and enjoy listening to his groans and moans. My body over heats I can feel a wetness pooling in between my thighs. In the most seductive voice I can muster I say, “Besides, when I become your wife, we’ll be doing this on a regular basis.”

Peeta chuckles, though his breath is ragged. “I suppose you’re right.” He leans back to throws his discarded shirt on the bed, “I like thinking of you as my wife.” he says resuming his assault on my senses with his lips. My toes curl, his kisses causes fire to sweep through me. 

He leans his head towards my neck when I lean back and pauses for a moment before he hesitantly presses a small yet sweet kiss at the juncture of my neck. My beautiful Peeta, gentle kind, has no idea he’s turned a shy recluse into a creature brighter than the sun. My eyes flutter close and I sigh greedily wanting more. I can smell cinnamon and dill, A scent so uniquely him that all I can do is clutch at him lest I fall off the bed, but his strong arm have me securely in place. I’ve never been one to really notice many boys but I noticed Peet. His physical strength is not exaggerated. At least that’s not what the tight muscles under my fingertips can sense. I feel as though an electric current were running through me. It’s more of a pleasant hum rather than a painful shock, and I hold on to this feeling as it grows like an uncontrollable fire refusing to be extinguish.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Peeta murmurs in between the kisses he plants along a hot trail from my neck and shoulder and all the way back. Once he’s back to the sensitive spot behind my ear he halts for a moment and licks it with the tip of his tongue. It’s so quick that I almost don’t realize the change until I feel the air cooling and drying the spot. He tries again with more confidence this time. I moan and I can feel him smile as he continues to swirl his tongue.

I reach for the hand playing with my hair and place it on my breast. Peeta stops and looks back at me. “Are you sure, this is okay?” he asks.

I gaze at him my eyes wild with fever, “Yes.” I whisper.

He returns to kissing me, but I feel the need to feel his skin on mine. The only way to do that is to remove the suffocating layers of clothing I’m wearing. I am desperate I pull back and tear at my shirt and bra. His eyes widen but once he looks down at me, his eyes glaze over as though he were drunk. Our kisses become more fervent, more desperate as I reach down and cup my hand around his penis. 

Penis? 

Would that even be the right word for it? I’m certainly not used to using another word for what had been flaccid worm-like appendages that my mother and I had seen when curing one of our own men back at the Seam. However, what I was currently holding was not something that merited such a clinical word. It was certainly not flaccid or thin or anything of the form. I wrack my brains for an appropriate word but come up blank until I remember someone once calling it a cock during what should have been a private conversation but I was curious and I needed to know what they meant. That is until I felt the strength that I was currently holding. Yes, cock seemed to be an appropriate word for what I was holding. It felt large, too and I was sure that there would have to be considerable effort on my part if we were to consummate our would-be marriage. I hadn’t realized how long it had been but Peeta grunted painfully, “Katniss we should stop or we might be in for some embarrassment on my part.”

I look up at him questioningly and he looks down at my hand holding his cock. I give him a smile and continue my torture. Peeta groans and instead decides to remove his pajama bottoms along with his underwear so that I may fully appreciate what I had been rubbing.

I look back at him and my eyes widen as I look down and back up at him once more. He raises his eyebrows, smiling and goes back to kissing the juncture between my neck and earlobe. I don’t know how he found it but it was driving me mad and I could feel myself pulsating and pooling with wetness. My legs fall open wantingly, I grind up against his knee. I moan and grasp his cock firmly in my hand and run my hand up and down, testing the reaction I would elicit. I’m fully satisfied once Peeta hisses.

He takes my hand off and I whimper. Instead he decides that he has been tortured more than enough and now it was my turn. He pulls back once more to make sure I’m okay with what he was doing. His consideration makes me bolder. I nod once more whimpering and he lowers himself, I offer my chest to entice him. His blue eyes glow and he puts his hand on my back. When skin touches skin we both groan in unison. His eyes darken to a midnight blue, and I gasp, as he tentatively blows his warm breath on my sensitive breasts and licks one nipple. When I arch my back upward, he smiles and runs his tongue, making my skin fill up with goosebumps and my nipples bud up into little pebbles. his hands were magic, I’d never considered his mouth. And he’s not finished with me yet. Ever the attentive one, Peeta begins his assault on my other breast and this time runs his teeth on top of them, making me moan. He smiles and returns to kissing me except this time his hand runs down my sides and he grasps my thigh tightening his grip as though he were holding back. For once I wish he didn’t. He raises himself just a bit and begins to touch me down there. His skillful fingers are drawing an elixir from me. Between his hands and his mouth I couldn’t stop the sounds that bursts from my mouth. His finger swipes an undiscovered area. I instantly buckle my hips up and he looks back at me alarmed, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” I whisper my body trembling . By god if I thought him licking my breasts was goosebumps-inducing than him running his finger in between my nether lips was tremor-inducing. I thought I would be prepared, but I had never known such intensity. It almost makes the practical me want to back out but the huntress, the girl madly in love is dying of curiosity. This huntress wants to explore his body, and she wants him to continue exploring mine.

He goes back to discovering my pussy with tentative fingers that only become bolder with every stroke. He inserts a finger inside and all I can do is try to cover my moans with the quilt rumpled next to me.

“God Katniss, you’re so tight.” he says pulling his finger back slowly making me feel empty until he pushes it back in intensifying the heat that threatens to overtake me. 

Yes,vagina is definitely the wrong word for such a moment but I had no other names for it until I remember my mother having to refer to it by pussy. Either way whatever Peeta was doing is driving me over the edge. my toes curl and my back tightens. It’s as though I‘m about to be snapped and suddenly I feel myself letting go, fireworks erupts before. I lay on the bed listlessly feeling more relaxed than I ever have in my life. I wonder where that girl who didn’t like to be touched went. I guess I kicked her out of the bedroom. Being touched by Peeta broke all my inhibitions and emboldened me. I’m panting and I can feel sweat running down the sides of my forehead when glance up at him. 

Peeta draws back and looks at me lovingly, “Did you like that?” 

“Like it? I loved it. What more can we do?” I ask impishly. 

I have no idea what just happened or how and I don’t care at the moment but all I know is that I don’t want it to stop. Curiosity gets the better of me as I wonder what his cock would feel like against my pussy and so I grasp his cock in my hands and guide it towards my lips and rub it around. Sparks of pleasure burst in front of me when I feel the head of his cock rubbing against my sensitive clit. I bite back a groan and gulp repeating the movement making Peeta groan and shake but lets me continue. His ragged breath turns me on. However, I’m unsatisfied with running the tip of his cock around me. I feel restless and I feel the need for more.I position his cock at the entrance of my pussy. I brace my feet against the bed and push my pelvis up. Peeta moans and begins to push in slowly. It hurts.

Immediately I regret my decision but It’s not fair to him. Besides, there must be something good about this if people are willing to do this often enough to have babies. So I persevere clutching at his arms and hoping the pain would go away. Once he’s fully seated inside me he stops and looks at me, “Okay?” he musters to groan out. I nod. “I won’t move until you tell me to.”

“Okay.” I reply nodding curtly. I’m touched by his concern that I lean up and give him a sweet kiss on his lips. 

He lays there still, connected to me, refusing to move for what must be several torturous minutes and despite me still feeling a dull pain I begin to move slowly. Peeta, taking on my cue begins to move too, but slowly. Suddenly, the dull pain is replaced by a sensation I can’t quite pin on but it’s good and my breath catches in my chest. “Oh” I whisper. I can feel myself winding up all over again, passion sizzling through my body. I put my hands on his ass wanting more,” Faster,” I groan as I pull him towards me humming, “Yes.” in between pants. Peeta complies, his moves becoming more desperate and he begins to kiss my neck as our moans reverberate against the walls mingled with little bursts of ‘yes’ in between. Our inexperienced touches become more fervent as our pants come in short spurts. 

Peeta links our hands together and leans his forehead against mine, “Katniss, I’m not sure I can last much longer.” he says through his teeth. His jaw tightens and he looks to be in pain. 

I hold on tighter onto him and kiss him. I want him to come, I want to see what he looks like when he comes undone. I know it’s dangerous, but the need to see him so thoroughly relaxed peaks my interest, “I need you Peeta.” 

“Oh god.” He as he grunts, his eyes closed so tightly it almost looks painful but with one last thrust he comes. I look up at him and this time my eyes don’t just see fireworks but Peeta’s beautiful eyes. I feel warmth enveloping my insides and I’m more than content. He lays on top for a few seconds careful not to put his full weight on me, panting as though he had run a marathon, his sweat-filled body slowly begins to get up off me and I sigh contently as I see him walk away towards his bathroom to clean himself. He brings a warmth cloth with which to clean myself and throws it on the ground as he jumps into the bed and reaches for me. I stretch my back a little allowing for the hum of fulfillment to run through my spine like a small electrical current humming pleasantly throughout. Having been this close to Peeta was beyond intimacy I was used to. I’m bonded to him, first by the bread, and lastly by our physical intimacy. I thought it would be scary to be this open and vulnerable. I thought I'd become weak. But I'm stronger for knowing him, and yet i don't want to think about what will happen when we go to the arena but I have to. 

I gladly move over and snuggle close to him, reveling in his scent, “I don’t want to be with anyone else in there. Just you,” I say as I raise myself up on one elbow to look at him.

He knows that I’m talking about the other tributes and their supposed alliance, so he looks at me and nods. “If that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want,” I say nodding my head and looking at him in the eyes. I lean back to snuggle back up again.

“I can’t believe this is real,” Peeta mutters, blinking slowly.

I smile and then frown. “By the way, how did you know what you were doing?”

He chuckles and shrugs. “I don’t really know to be honest. I just kind of guessed. I mean, I knew the mechanics of sex but to get there I wasn’t sure. I was just testing things around and seeing what you liked. Why, did you like it?”

I cover my face with my hands, feeling myself burning up with embarrassment, “Oh please don’t ask me that…” I moan.

Peeta chuckles. “All right, I won’t.”

Feeling a bit impish I get close to his face. “But you know what?”

“What?” he asks.

“I did. I liked it,” I say quickly and giggle as he smiles, satisfied with my answer.

I yawn and begin to doze off. “I’m so tired though.”

“Sleep darling. I’m here to guide you from any nightmares you might have,” Peeta says.

I frown and raise myself on an elbow on last time, “But you have to wake me up if you have nightmares too. It’s not fair that I keep waking you up with my own. Promise me.”

He smiles back at me and caresses my chin and kisses my nose, “I promise.”

I lean back down and make myself comfortable before finally dozing off to a dreamless sleep.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Let’s start simple, let’s start with what we know is true.” I say as I rock back and forth holding the sides of my face. My curled-up body wracked with pain, “My name is Katniss Everdeen. My home is District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. I escaped. Peeta, Peeta was left behind,” I desperately whisper to myself as my voice shakes with suppressed sobs.

Suddenly I can sense people coming into my little haven and calling my name. I try to hide from my captors as they tell me that it’s time for me to go back to my room, or rather my prison. The place where my guilt, my pain, my memories plague me, all day, every day. It’s been so long that I begin to question the reality of everything. 

I try to make myself invisible as I press myself even further against the pipes but it’s no use, they find me and are now calling for me to join them, “I had a nightmare, just five more minutes.”

“You need to sleep,” a female voice advices.

I shake my head vehemently. No, I don’t need any more sleep. My demons are far more insistent and powerful when I’m sleeping. So, against all advice, I shake my head,” Just five more minutes.” I tell them as I whisper ‘no’ to myself because I can hear the guards getting closer.

The footsteps are next to me now, “No please, don’t please, I just---” I beg but they don’t listen as they reach down to haul me up and take me with them, “Don’t touch me. Don’t. No! Get off me!” I yell wildly as I try to free myself of their grasp but it’s no use.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I’m lying on the hospital bed having woken up from yet another nightmare in which I’ve failed Peeta once again. ‘My Peeta’ I think as I roll the dark pearl I fell asleep with in between my fingers. I’m gasping and looking around, trying to come to grips with reality as the white tiled walls greet me. Since there’s no point in going back to my little hole, I decide to visit Finnick. I walk around and easily locate his room. I stare at him as he’s sniffling and winding arope small piece of rope like a madman. He looks back at me and all I feel is disdain for the person who did nothing when the time came for alliances. He was supposed to save him. After all, he knew what the plan was all along and having been in one of the two who stayed behind to protect Betee it would only make sense that it would be easier for him to save my Peeta. He was our ally and he failed us both miserably. I know it’s not fair to hold him to a sham agreement but he knew what the agenda was between some of the tributes and District Thirteen. Now, here I am. Useless to Madame Coin. To the entire movement because without Peeta I won’t do anything. He was the charismatic one. He could’ve gotten the rebellion going, not sour, prude me who is nothing but full of remorse and hatred. They picked the wrong person and for that they will pay.

“Finnick.” I announced my presence.

He looks back at me, tears in his eyes. He looks as though he hasn’t slept in weeks, “I wanted to go back for Peeta and Johanna but I-I I couldn’t move.” His anguished-filled face is asking for a forgiveness I’m not ready to give, “They have Annie too. They took her.” he says returning back to rope. “She’s uh, she’s in the Capitol,” he pauses, “I wish she was dead. I wish they were all dead and we were too,” he mutters, not looking at me. All I feel is emptiness but a bit of compassion fills my heart for the man who,like me, lost his one true love. Taken by the Capitol to be tortured and in that we have common ground. Perhaps, we may form another alliance. However, this time I will make sure to know every detail of every mission. I doubt it though, I have lost what little trust I had in him, I refuse to go in blindly and Finnick has to understand that. 

Days pass. I don’t know how many but I float about, trying to convince Coin and Plutarch that they have the wrong Victor. That it’s Peeta they should’ve saved. I believe I’m beginning to convince them. But when I see Haymitch my numbness disappears only to be replaced by a fire of pure hatred.

“Katniss,” he calls after me.

I turn to look at him and stare daggers into his soul. When he asks me to ‘say it’ I look at him annoyed. “Say what?”

“We’re gonna have to work together okay, so you might as well get this off your chest.” Haymitch says and I know he wants an answer as to why I’ve been so particularly nasty with him.

I purse my lips, seething. “You promised me you would save Peeta.”

Haymitch nods regretfully, “I know.”

“Now you say it,”. .

“I can’t believe you let him out of your sight. Y-you gotta stop moping around. You think I want to be here? I want a bottle so bad, I’m ready to distill my own turnips. But I’m here, and you know why? Because Peeta’s still alive. He’s not dead yet and neither are we. We’re still in the game, Katniss. Okay?” Haymitch says, ignoring my own discomfort. For as much as I hate him right now he is right. We must work together for Peeta’s sake. At least he hasn’t given up hope that Peeta might still be alive even, though we have yet to see or know anything about him.

Days pass by and I believe I may have gotten sick because I have this incessant need to vomit every morning, but somehow, I seem to be fine once I’ve had breakfast. Except if breakfast includes scrambled eggs. Just the smell alone is enough to take me straight to toilet to empty myself, even though I think there’s nothing left to empty on a hollow stomach. I seem to be losing weight and I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the depression the doctors diagnosed me with. I’m well into my last bite of oatmeal when Gale plops himself next to me with a huge helping of scrambled eggs, “Hey Catnip!”

I look at the yellow, spongy, greasy confection and try to swallow the bile that’s threatening to rise up my throat. I gulp a few times, my mouth waters unpleasantly and I cover my mouth in order to keep my breakfast in.

“Katniss, are you okay?” asks Prim from across me, reaching out to get my attention.

I shake my head, getting up and running to the nearest toilet, leaving a worried Prim and a puzzled Gale. Some of the few people I managed to catch a glimpse of were either surprised or had a knowing smile plastered on their faces but at the moment I didn’t care as I felt my breakfast coming up.

I hurl violently into the porcelain bowl and collapse on the floor looking at what had been my breakfast. I sigh, reaching for something to clean myself with, but instead I see my sister’s hand offering a wet towelette towards me. I take it and weakly thank her.

“Katniss, what’s going on?” she asks.

I shake my head, “I’m not too sure, I think I might’ve caught a bug.” I lift myself up off the floor and walk over to the sink to throw some cold water on my face.

“Those symptoms are not a bug-worthy ailment.” Prim explains as she stands next to me leaning against the sink.

I turn the faucet on, “Then what do you think it is little duck?”

“I think you’re pregnant.” Prim says. Then she frowns, “But I don’t understand. I thought your romance with Peeta was for the benefit of Snow.”

“It started out that way but I fell in love with him. I was actually planning on marrying him for real,” I answer shivering a bit.

“I see,” mutters Prim thoughtfully.

“How would I even know if I’m pregnant?” I ask.

“Well, first I need to know if you’ve slept with Peeta,” Prim asks.

I frown, “Of course I’ve slept with him. I did so every night so that I wouldn’t have as many nightmares as I usually do.”

Prim tries to hide a smile, “No Katniss, I mean if you’ve had sex with him.”

I freeze and look at her water dripping off my face. I instantly blush, “How would you know?”

Prim giggles, “Sometimes I wonder who’s the youngest one between us.” She sobers up quickly, “I’m asking this because if you have then it looks to me like you’re pregnant. So, I’m gonna ask you again, did you sleep with Peeta?”

My cheeks feel hot and when I look at myself in the mirror,my embarrassment is reflected, “Yes.” I mutter avoiding my sister’s eyes.

“I think you should go make sure. I can test you myself.” Prim offers. She’s being so kind that all I can do is nod.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After much prodding and convincing, generally from Prim. I find myselfsitting on the toilet waiting for my test to reveal its results. Prim takes the small stick and looks at it with a huge smile, “Well, looks like I’m going to be an aunt.” She turns to look at me, radiant smile and all, “Oh Katniss, I’m so glad it’s Peeta. He’s always loved you.”

“How did you know?” I ask.

“Because silly, he was always looking at you. Never at anyone else, and when he did, he always looked as though you were perfection. Although, we all know you’re not. You snore.” Prim joked.

I stickmy tongue out at her, “I would’ve welcomed him with open arms as my brother in law, as I know mom would too.” Prim wistfully daydreams. She looks back at the door of the bathroom, “I have to go. I won’t tell mom until you’re ready but you have to say something before it’s too late,” she says and runs out the bathroom.

I stand up from the toilet and stare at myself in the mirror once again. My hair looks healthier and despite all the purgin,g I’m glowing. Or rather sweating. I look down at my flat stomach and place a hand on top. I still can’t believe I’m pregnant with Peeta’s baby. I smile, feeling my hollow heart began to glow with renewed hope but Prim is right. I should tell my mother before I begin to show. It would hardly be correct to hide my condition when she’s one of the best midwives of District twelve. As the grandmother, it would only be appropriate for her to look after my pregnancy, “Just hold on a little longer, Little Bean. I’ll bring your father back home.” I whisper to my unborn child and walk out of the bathroom, feeling happier than I’ve ever felt being stuck in this underground hell-hole.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When dinner rolls around. I am about to sit on one of the open benches next to Gale when suddenly, the Capitol Logo flashes on the television position in the middle of the lunch room for all to see. I look up at it intrigued and freeze in place when I see an intact Peeta sitting across Caesar Flickerman. My eyes widen and I move closer to the screen just to make sure that I’m not dreaming.

Peeta speaks about what our experiences were like during the Quarter Quell and how we managed to survive. When Caesar tries to convince Peeta that I was the one who shot the arrow that ultimately destroyed the arena because I was rebelling Peeta loses the calmness in his voice and fervently defends me. There he was, being subjected to a stupid interview, most likely pressured by Snow and he was defending me. Just as he’s always done. I place one hand on my flat stomach and the other on my lips, “You’re alive.” I whisper. My once dim glow of hope becomes a a fire of determination. He’s alive and there’s still a chance for me to get him back. I stand mesmerized as I listen to him until he urges the districts to lay their weapons down and the masses in the lunchroom jeer and boo him, calling him a traitor. I can’t hear all the negativity because I know it’s not something he is saying freely. This is Snow’s agenda and he is using someone who was once the most beloved Victor to deliver his message and I’m disgusted.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

It’s night again and I’m sleeping when suddenly I wake up screaming and looking around wildly. The door open and in runs a worried Peeta.

“I’m sorry, it’s just a nightmare,” I explain as I try to calm myself.

“It’s okay, I get em’ too.” Peeta replies, “Well, good night.” He begins to walk away. 

“Peeta?” I call and he stops to look back at me.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Will you stay with me?” I ask sounding like a frightened little girl.

“Yeah,” he complies climbing into my bed and wrapping his arms around me. His thumb runs up and down my shoulder, “Always.” he whispers.

I wake up from my dream and look around the room hoping not to have woken up my mother and sister.

Prim looks back at me, “Hey, can’t sleep?”

I shake my head and she unwraps herself from the covers she shares with our mother only to climb into my bed and lie down facing me. “Tell me what’s happening. I can keep secrets, even from mom.”

I smile, “No one hates the Capitol more than me. And I want to help. But I just keep thinking even if we win this war, what happens to Peeta? I know he’s not safe there but he’s definitely not safe here.”

“I don’t think you know how important you are to them. If you want something, you just have to ask. You could demand almost anything, and they’d have to agree with it.” whispers Prim.

I hadn’t thought of that, “I should wake you more often, little duck.” I whisper back pushing Prim’s hair behind her ear.

“Now get some sleep.” Prim encourages.

I nod and doze off easily knowing what my next move will be.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Next morning, I wake up and write down all my demands on a piece of paper. I wrap it up in my pocket and walk purposefully to Coin’s office. Coin and Plutarch look up at me expecting for me to say something.

“I’ve decided I’ll be your Mockingjay. But I have some conditions,” I announce bringing my piece of paper out, uncrumpling it. “Peeta and the other Tributes, Johanna Mason and Annie Cresta, will be rescued at the earliest opportunity. If and when Peeta is liberated, he will be granted a full and unconditional pardon. No punishment will be inflicted. And the same goes for the other tributes.”

I look at Coin expectantly, “No,” she says and goes back to reading her documents.

“It’s not their fault you abandoned them in the arena. They’re doing and saying whatever they can to survive,” I try to reason.

“Individuals don’t make demands in Thirteen. There will be a tribunal and a fair judgement. Thank you,” Coin dismisses me.

My nose flares and my eyes flash angrily at her. She can’t dismiss me now. I won’t allow it. My child needs its father and I will not give up until I can have him rescued. I leaned forward and put all my weight on my arms supporting me. “The Victors will be granted immunity. And you will announce that in front of the entire population of Thirteen. You will hold yourself and your government responsible or you will find another Mockingjay.”

Coin stares at somewhat startled when Plutarch decides to speak and points at me. “That’s it, that’s her. Right there. Isn’t that who I promised you? She wears the costume, gunfire in the background, a hint of smoke. Our Mockingjay. Madame President we’re losing ground because the people are losing heart. This is worth the risk. She’s worth the risk. Pardons, tribunals. Power of the people. It can all be the new bedrock for the new Panem, but, in wartime I think even the noblest of causes can be bent a little bit, right?”

I look at Coin my resolve unwavering. “Do you have any other conditions?” she asks.

I look down at my piece of paper. “My sister gets to keep her cat.” I answer.

Coin nods approvingly and I walk out of the office feeling triumphant, “Don’t worry Little Bean. I’m getting your father back. Just be patient with me,” I whisper to my child as I run my hand against my stomach and walk back to my barracks.


End file.
